Phonozoic Text Archive, Document 090

"Kissing Goes by -- Phonograph," Punch, Vol. 95, Dec. 22, 1888, p. 298.

[Mr. EDISON announces that he is able to transmit kisses by phonograph.]

FEW, of true amorous orthodoxy,
Have ever cared to kiss by proxy,
     But Cupid's realm looks clean awry
When EDISON--beshrew the man!--
Produces this preposterous plan
     For kissing by machinery!

"Make me immortal by a kiss!"
Cried HELEN's lover.  How would this
     Strike learned Dr. Faustus?
Though Science dominates the earth,
One sometimes wonders is it worth
     What it seems like to cost us?

Troy's paragon--pray do not laugh!--
Had she possessed a phonograph,
     Might have bequeathed her kisses
To Faustus, or to you or me.
She didn't, and I don't quite see
     That much a fellow misses.

Of course, to press one's lips to hers
Were rapture; but a man prefers
     Direct and labial contact;
And, when one thinks of wax and wire
As media for love's "kiss of fire,"--
     No, EDISON, it won't act!